For the first time, James will be live from England. Check back daily throughout Wimbledon as our resident blogger, James LaRosa, offers up his humorous and poignant take on the day's action.
Catch up on James' past grand slam blogs as well as his weekly column, LaRosa's Sweet Spot (new columns every Wednesday) | LaRosa's Sweet Spot
Day 14: July 5th, 2009
Two weeks of being high on grass has led us to this: THE DUNLOP AWARDS! Grab a Pimm's and pull up a chair. It's okay, you can nudge Laver, Borg and Sampras aside.
Someone else already did...
Most Historic Moment: 15 Grand Slam Singles Titles. Hello.
Best Match (ATP): Uh, 16-14 in the final set? Are you insane? Andy Roddick could've burst into dust after that blown 6-2 lead in the second set tiebreak, but he held tough and went the absolute distance. In the end though, Roger Federer was just too tough to put away.
Biggest Spoiler: A-Rod, who broke Australia's heart in the quarters by derailing a sparkling Lleyton Hewitt and all or England when he dismantled Great Translucent Hope Andy Murray in the semis. You didn't take the title (alas, the spoiler becomes the spoiled), but ya done damn damn good. And you do get to go home to that wife...
Best Match (WTA): Serena Williams/Elena Dementieva. I'd be shot if I made any comparisons to the Nadal/Fed final from last year, but what…if…I…did? Of course there wasn't nearly as much on the line, but punch for punch, for sheer tenacity, this one not only went down as the women's match of the year, but proof that the death of women's tennis has been greatly exaggerated.
Worst Match (ATP): Marat Safin/Jesse Levine. Levine did everything right. Safin did everything wrong. The cherry on the sundae being calling his dumping out in the first round of his final Wimbledon "a relief." Godspeed.
Worst Match (WTA): Venus Williams/Dinara Safina. It was more competitive than the 6-1, 6-0 scoreline suggests - Dinara had multiple game points in multiple games, Venus was just too good - but the score was the score, and it provided more grist for the mill to swipe at women's tennis. And yet...
...Biggest Headscratcher: Serena Williams holds three of the four Slams and is still the #2 player in the world? I demand a recount.
Biggest Headscratcher (runner up): Roger's commercial for NetJets, a private jet timesharing service. Who on earth is this for? You know, besides someone with 15 Grand Slam titles.
Biggest Bully: Venus Williams, who besides trouncing the #1, trounced every other chick she faced en route to the '09 final in straight sets...starting in 2007.
Breakthrough Performance (Male): Everything old was new again, as Lleyton Hewitt, Juan Carlos Ferrero and Tommy Haas schooled the youngins (del Potro, Simon and Djokovic respectively) and announced to the rest of the tour, hey, we ain't dead yet either!
Breakthrough Performance (Female): Melanie Oudin, who came through qualifying to make it to the fourth round, scalping a surly Jelena Jankovic along the way.
Diva Entrance: Pete Sampras, waltzing in unannounced during the first changeover.
Diva Exit: Jankovic, who gave more credit to her "woman problems" than to the scrappy woman who beat her.
Breakdown Performance: Last year's semifinalists, who went 0-3 by round 2.
Signs of the Apocalypse: Elena's acing! Roddick's drop shotting! Serena's lobbing! It's not raining! The world is coming to an end!
Best Dressed: Serena Williams. I'm going to need a support group to wean off the trench, I know.
Worst Dressed: Roger Federer. If he came out onto the court in just the shirt and shorts he'd be in business. Sadly, he did not. And no, the jacket with the golden 15 pre-sewn into the back didn't make up for it.
Cockroach Award (formerly Jelena Jankovic Cockroach Award): Serena (again! will she just stop winning already!), who became only the second woman (after big sis) to survive match point down to win the Championship. And what a heart-in-the-throat, tape-clipping point it was.
Dominik Hrbaty "Can I Sit With You?" Award: The Williams sisters, who both circled around Dinara Safina after her semi beatdown when the press was out for blood.
Best Quote: Unprintable, dropped by last Brit woman standing Elena Baltacha on air during her second round defeat. The BBC would immediately apologize. There would be no apologies for her being the last Brit woman standing in the second round.
Best Quote (runner up): "Sorry Pete." - Andy Roddick in his consolation speech.
And that, my friends, is what the Brits call "a wrap." I don't know about you but I'm exhausted. Last year's crushed runners up rebounded to '09 glory. We have a new #1, at least on the men's side. And we've got nuthin but hard court as far as the eye can see (ya think Roger will be happy to see them again?). Oh behalf of Dunlop and myself, thanks for making us your daily pitstop for froth and merriment. See you Wed. and every Wed. for the Sweet Spot. Until then, see you in the ice bath!
James
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Day 13: July 4th, 2009
Happy July 4th everyone! The ladies don't take a holiday so neither can I, liveblogging a final that promises its own fair share of fireworks. Will it be a 6-1, 6-0 beatdown or an 8-6 in the third thriller? Only time will tell.
:00 - Venus and Serena take the court. Mini-me's are forced to carry their bags, which are twice as big as they are. But hey, the Williams sisters will carry the heavy flowers.
:05 - Alison Lang in the chair! Check out my exclusive interview with her earlier this week. She's super nice with a great laugh. Like a sober Edina Monsoon from Absolutely Fabulous.
:12 - And we're off. After what I went through this tournament trying to get friends in (by and large to no avail) I can't help but wonder what the people in the front rows had to do for those tickets. Something perhaps only their priests will go to their graves with.
:15 - Serena's forehand appears to still be in Hawaii, as she joked about after her semi. Venus has won 34 consecutive sets at Wimbledon. That forehand better get here, fast.
:17 - Martina in the house! Keep that grunting down ladies, Mama's watching.
:19 - Oracene looks on. With dad mowing lawns back home, there's no Lakeisha today. Sad face.
:20 - The match has been high-quality so far, but the reason last year's final wasn't the classic their QF match at the US Open was a couple months later is the surface. There have been no huge rallies, no stunning gets. Just unreturnable serves and a good groundstroke or two.
:32 - Billie Jean! I loves me some Billie Jean. Venus could tie her record today. BJ puts the whammy on Venus! No wait, she's just scratching her eye. For now.
:37 - Serena looks to be working a lot harder than Venus. She goes down two break points, but fights them off.
:47 - The first "Come on!" from Serena and it's 5-all. This is the first time Venus has been tested all tournament. How will she handle it?
:52 - Another body serve from Venus. She's literally lining up and firing a 125 mph bullet directly at her baby sister. Bloodsport! And a hold.
:56 - Serena fires off her 8th ace. Tiebreak! You hear a lot about how a crowd is sort of stunned into submission when these two women play because they generally just want any Williams to win. I call BS on that. These women are so different, and they appeal to very different fan personalities. I myself am going for Serena. I may have lost some Venut friends when they read this.
1:03 - Serena is hitting the ball better and better. Her forehand has clearly arrived. Still, it's a lob that steals the set! A lob. From Serena Williams. Over Venus Williams.
1:10 - Ben Stiller! He's paying tribute to Farrah Fawcett with that hair.
1:26 - Venus reacts badly to losing her first set here in 2 years. She allows her first break points on her serve, and closes the game with a double fault. The writing is on the wall. Which is unusual as Venus is such a pro at keeping her cool. But she's lost it.
1:29 - Serena is on auto-pilot, up 40-love on her incredible incredible serve. Venus meanwhile is making more mistakes. There's an eerie silence in the crowd, even from Serena fans, at having to witness any kind of dismantling of the infallible Venus Williams on Centre Court. It just doesn’t feel right, like a funeral with a live body. But it's happening. Serena goes up 5-2.
1:30 - Venus ended her last service game with a double and starts her next one the same way. She made 1 error (1!) in her match against Safina yesterday. She's made a few more today, taking us to Championship Point. This is where I really think about the fact that they're sisters. In a random game in the middle of a set, they're just going at it (especially with all the experience these two have playing each other - it seems to be a bigger deal to everyone else but them). But emotions are so heightened at the end of a match, and a championship match no less (and for the Venus Rosewater dish!) that it really can't help but become personal. This is the moment where you have to break your sister's heart. And break it Serena does, on her fourth try. Your '09 Wimbledon Champion, Serena Williams!
1:35 - Serena is still in shock. Venus is still in shock too. They wait for the trophy presentation.
1:47 - The trench coat!
1:48 - Jahova!
1:49 - Nike!
1:58 - Venus is still not happy. It's like a Bizarro version of last year, but this time it's Venus in the funhouse of her mind. As they walk off court, she's limping for the first time, her runner up dish under her arm like, whatever, water dish for the dog. Considering her form the whole tournament, her loss is nearly as surprising as Safina's at the French. But all you need is one off day, and one on opponent.
And here she is ladies and gentlemen, your champion and STILL world #2, Serena Williams!
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Day 12: July 3rd, 2009
Dunlop: Hello people! It is Dunlop, and today I do something I have never done, that James' silly blog never do. Round table discussion! I have special guests today, to talk and talk while two Andys fight with fists on Centre Court. Welcome my first guest, rock band Queen!
Queen Elizabeth: I'm THE Queen, dear.
Dunlop: That would explain funny hat. Ha! So glad you could make it, The Queen. I know you have busy schedule doing...what is it you do?
Queen Elizabeth: Represent the monarchy. Get curtsied to. This Friday I'll be making an appearance on Law & Order, SVU. I play a sassy law clerk with a secret.
Dunlop: Chung chung! Also joining us, Mirka Federer. I don't know if you take Roger's name but I give it to you anyway.
Mirka Federer: I'm too pregnant to care. Do you have any gum?
Dunlop: I have Milk Duds. Very chewy. (tosses her a box) Last but least we have Jamie Murray. It says here you are related to Anne Murray. She is my favorite singer! (singing) "You put me high upon a pedestal, so high that I can almost see eternity…"
Jamie Murray: No, Andy Murray. I'm his brother.
Dunlop: Oh. That is something too I guess.
Jamie Murray: But I won here. Mixed Doubles! I won it here two years ago with Jelena Jankovic.
Dunlop: The bagra! Okay you can stay. Issue #1. Roger Federer beats Tommy Haas to make it to final. Do I want nap because it is too exciting or should it have been my Nole?
Mirka Federer: Mrph grmm rmmph.
Dunlop: I do not understand her.
Queen Elizabeth: Her mouth is full of Milk Duds dear. I myself think it's very exciting. Robert is a wonderful ambassador for the sport of...golf is it?
Dunlop: Something tell Dunlop you are not big fan of tennis.
Queen Elizabeth: Heavens no. Ultimate Fighting is where it's at. But I will be here on Sunday when Robert faces the Brit. The stadium will be packed.
Jamie Murray: I can't get a ticket.
Dunlop: My producer tell me in earpiece Andy Murray loses the first set.
Queen Elizabeth: Is that bad?
Dunlop: He's the Brit.
Queen Elizabeth: Bollocks.
Dunlop: Issue #2. Swine flu at Wimbledon. Which one of you started it?
Mirka Federer: Roger and I live in a bubble. Literally. Nike made it for us. I think I finished the Milk Duds.
Queen Elizabeth: Here, dear, have some of mine. I carry them in my purse.
Dunlop: Go on girl!
Jamie Murray: This whole Swine Flu thing is blown totally out of proportion. Like the economy or Andy Murray. Er...Anne Murray. Anne Murray.
Dunlop: My ear tells me Anne Murray wins second set.
Queen Elizabeth: Bollocks!
Dunlop: That's a good thing.
Queen Elizabeth: Oh. Bully.
Dunlop: Issue #3. British Press. Why are they so cuckoo for cocoa puffs?
Jamie Murray: They're just really enthusiastic. You gotta understand, we have the most prestigious tennis tournament in the world and no players to play it! They'll write about anyone with an ounce of Brit blood in 'em.
Dunlop: What page are you on?
Jamie Murray: I need to use the loo. Excuse me.
Dunlop: Issue #4. Who would make for better final, Andy Roddick or Andy Murray?
Queen Elizabeth: Everyone wants...the British one.
Mirka Federer: Well, maybe not everyone.
Queen Elizabeth: Give me back my Milk Duds.
Jamie Murray: She's just scared of my brother's 6-2 head to head against her hubby.
Mirka Federer: Get a haircut.
Dunlop: My ear says Andy Roddick wins the third set.
Queen Elizabeth: Yes!
Lakeisha Williams: Oh my god what did I miss?!
Dunlop: Lakeisha Williams, what are you doing here?
Lakeisha Williams: I just came to support my husband Richard's girls, Serena and Venus. Come on! Whoo-hoo! Get it done!!
Dunlop: They are not here.
Lakeisha Williams: (stopped) No?
Dunlop: No. This is not about them.
Lakeisha Williams: Not even a little bit?
Dunlop: No.
Lakeisha Williams: Oh. Uh...Go Serena and Venus! Whoohoo! (runs off)
Queen Elizabeth: Is that an earthquake?
Dunlop: Producer say match is over. Yankee Doodle Andy Roddick is big champion, he will play Roger in final.
Mirka Federer: Hahahahaha! Woo-hooo!!! High five! Anyone? No one?
Queen Elizabeth: Oh well. Good luck to Robert. If he's going to break his record, history wants it to be here. Or something. If you need me Sunday, I'll be opening a Piggly Wiggly off M1 Northamptonshire.
Jamie Murray: I'm off to play my Mixed Doubles semi. This is my chance to be the top dog. Wish me luck! (editor's note: it would be a bad day for Murrays. Except Anne, who's just released a two-CD set of Canadian spirituals.)
Dunlop: I will high five you, Mirka Federer. I think your boy in the Nike bubble have this, how do you say, in the bag. But anything can happen no? So take this extra box of Milk Duds with you, with my poljubacs.
Mirka Federer: Poljubacs right back atcha Dunlop. See you Sunday!
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Day 11: July 2nd, 2009
Top Ten Reasons Why the Serena Williams/Elena Dementieva Semi Rocked My World
10.
Grunting! All y'all haters, don't lie. The screaming and wailing added to this match both physically and emotionally. Don't try to argue, I can't hear you anyway.
9.
Vera Dementieva! Someone put Baby in a corner, and she looked simply trapped behind Richard Williams in the Player's Box. No matter what shot her daughter hit – winner, error - the expression on her face was always the same. And it was a heaping helping of "Oh dear."
8.
Close calls! Where was your stomach on said match point down when Serena came in AGAIN (after getting passed or botching a volley time after time) and saw her shot hit the tape…and land in? How about those HawkEye reviews where game points and break points barely grazed the line? You hear the old cliché that a match could've gone either way over a couple points, but in this case the cliché was ridiculously true.
7.
Lakeisha Williams! Richard Williams' 30-year-old wife was on her feet more times than Serena was, cheering insanely after every shot. It takes a lot to wrench attention away from Serena Williams but Lakeisha gave it her all. And just a few doors down from Oracene, who I'm guessing has a spray bottle in her purse for just such occasions.
6.
Karma! NBC has been gobbling up live tennis for U.S. fans, particularly on the West Coast, costing us Rafa's upset at the French and the Roddick/Hewitt five-setter yesterday. In choosing the top seed v. the defending champ today, they had to swallow the 6-1, 6-0 beatdown of Dinara Safina by Venus Williams, giving ESPN (and fans of tennis as it's actually happening) the best match of the tournament on either side – and the best women's match of the year. Nyah nyah.
5.
The lady in the pink wig! Just sayin'.
4.
If you start them both at the same time, it syncs up perfectly with Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon album!
3.
Serena Williams! If you're a fan of the Serena Roar, you got it in spades today. Not playing her best tennis, she was forced to dig deep and fight for each and every point, when she was lucky enough to get her racquet on the ball. A month ago she would've lost this match in straight sets, but the fire is back. And it's the scariest thing in tennis. Look out Big Sis.
2.
Elena Dementieva! Talk about nerves of steel! Serena wasn't playing her best because Elena wouldn't let her. She's somehow seemed like an accidental semifinalist two years in a row, but today she showed she not only deserved to be there, she deserved to be in the final. And that serve! Where did that come from all of the sudden? And it never abandoned her in three sets. Yet one more cliché, it's a shame someone had to lose. Today, that was absolutely true.
1.
A lifeline! I begged women players to help me help them when confronted with the equal prize money debate. Now I have something to point to. Bravo, ladies. Bravo.
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Day 10: July 1st, 2009
It's raining men! Hallelujah.
And not just any men. Old men! Only two of today's 8 quarterfinalists are under 26. So expect plenty of broken bones as they put their apple sauce down and race their walkers to the chalk-covered finish line.
First up on Centre Court, Roger Federer and Ivo Karlovic. What's the more staggering stat, that Karlovic hasn't been broken once this whole tournament or that in nine meetings, once is all the Croat's ever been able to break Federer's serve? Roger is a statistician's dream. He's chasing his record 21st straight Grand Slam semi, his record 15th Slam title. I'm fairly certain he's undefeated in thumbwrestling, having been taken to a fifth set only once by Tracy Austin back in 2003.
One of those stats is busted straight away when Roger breaks Dr. Ivo's serve, letting out a big Come On! Fed has a special face when he plays Karlovic. It's all business. But not, like, 'I better focus here, he's a tough customer.' It looks more like boredom. I feel it. Bless the gentle giant, but he's perhaps the most boring player on tour for me to watch. On grass it's so much worse. 139 aces so far this tournament with no ground game to back them up. The good news is, his matches go fast. In 23 minutes, Roger takes the first set.
Much more drama on Court 1 as Tommy Haas capitalizes on a loose service game from Novak Djokovic to take their first set. Everything about Novak seems loose this tournament, and Tommy is taking full advantage. Which is driving me coconuts considering Tommy is the patented choke artist on this court. The German Ken doll proves this by getting broken at love serving for the second set. Unwilling to be outdone, Novak proceeds to couch up a 6-3 lead in the tiebreak to find himself two sets down. To Tommy Haas.
Meanwhile, in the blink of an eye, Roger is into his 21st Grand Slam semi.
Djokovic manages to pound out a set, but he goes down in flames in the fourth. We've got our first geriatric into the semis! And not a hair out of place.
Will Juan Carlos Ferrero be joining him? Not if England has anything to say about it. As far as the UK crowd is concerned, Andy Murray can do no wrong. And will do no wrong. If he does, they'll string him up in Trafalgar Square. That's just how they roll. The good news is, he's giving them plenty to cheer as he unleashes some brilliant shotmaking in the first two sets. The bad news, their
precious Laura Robson has been bounced from the juniors draw. Yeah, I don't care either.
Venus Williams and Miss Scotland (who I'm sure has a name) look on as Murray wins the third and books his place in the final four. The Queen has freed up Championship Sunday in case Andy makes the final. No kidding. She hasn't snuck a visit since Brit Virginia Wade won here back in the day. How far back in the day? So far that Ms. Wade was denied entry last week because she didn't have her credential on her and security didn't know who the old lady was. Again, no kidding.
The battle for the final spot in the semis is taking place on Court 1, and is it a battle! Lleyton Hewitt and Andy Roddick both want this one bad, and like alpha dogs with bones, neither is letting go. Andy takes the first set, and the second goes to an awesome awesome tiebreak. Lleyton prevails 12-10 and it's clear this is going to go the distance (which I'm sure is giving Murray the church giggles). The third set tiebreak is a botch job by the Australian, and he takes it out on his racquet. There's lots of collateral damage in this match, as a Roddick serve tattoos a ball girl and two more paint a linesperson. Hazard pay! Thank God Squirrel has the day off.
Hewitt appears to injure his leg in the fourth. I say appears because he still manages to win the set and fight like heck in the fifth. Roddick gets a single shot at a break at 4-all and takes it. He serves it out!
Talk about a wild ride. And some tasty semis. Federer v. Haas (the last gramps standing) in a Paris rematch up top and the U.S. v. U.K. in a Battle of the Andys down below. Can Fed line himself up to break Pete's record? Can U.K. Andy become the first Brit in the Wimby fnal since Bunny Austin in 1938? (Incidentally, I'm naming my son Bunny.) Or will U.S. Andy spoil the Queen's Sunday?
With a 6-2 head to head over Roddick, including a straight sets win in their only grass encounter (Wimbledon '06), I'm thinking the Queen will be paying a little visit to the Royal Box this weekend.
I just hope she remembers to bring her credential.
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Day 9: June 30th, 2009
The single best day to come to Wimbledon (if you're either lucky as heck in the ticket lottery or independently wealthy) is the second Monday, when they play all the fourth round matches in one day. The worst day might be the second Tuesday. It should be an embarrassment of riches, four ladies quarterfinals. But now is the time in the tournament when Cinderella coaches typically turn back into pumpkins, and with so many still in the draw, this could be a lot of rotten vegetable.
And so we begin on Centre Court, where top seed Dinara Safina takes on Sabine Lisicki. There's a lot of talk about Dinara and whether or not she deserves the #1 ranking. I firmly believe players are precisely where they should be in the pecking order. They earned each and every point they've got, and the points they don't have they only have themselves to blame. That said, watching as she double faults both our lives away makes this one a tough one to argue. Add to that the fact that Sabine is firing off ace after ace, finally taking the first set in a tiebreak, and Dinara is looking more and more like the top twenty player of old. No one labors like the Russian though. And it is labor, as she somehow manages to force a third.
Sabine's lack of fitness is exposed as she runs out of gas. At 1-4 she calls for the trainer (grr). Dinara asks for some used balls so she can practice serving while she waits, which I've never seen before and think is genius (and totally necessary). It pays off and Safina overcomes both her opponent and herself (15 double faults!) to book her place in the semis. Seed, 1. Pumpkin, 0.
Over on Court 1, 38-time defending champion Venus Williams is making things a whole lot easier for herself. Her opponent is helping her a whole lot more, as Agnieszka Radwanska never looks for a second like she thinks she can win this match. Joyless is a good word, even at 0-0 in the first set. Joy looks like misery at 6-1, 4-2. I don't think there'll be a single prince rushing around town measuring shoe sizes after this one. Seed, 2. Pumpkin, 0.
Elena Dementieva comes out and randomly starts hitting balls into the open court. No wait, there's someone else out there. Francesca Schiavone! What are you doing here? What, you don't know either? Oof, neither do I as the gold medalist quickly goes up 5-0. At this point I become fixated on the player towels and wonder who this Christy is who's got her name printed all over them. Now seems as good a time as any to investigate. Did you know Christy is a merchandizing company that's been doing Wimbledon's towels for years? Did you know they're the single most stolen item by players, to the tune of $100,000 retail? Did you know Seed, 3. Pumpkin, 0? Hope you stuffed a couple towels in your bag for your trouble, Franny. Now pick me up a couple for mine.
There could be big trouble on Centre Court, as our final QF gears up. Serena Williams takes on Victoria Azarenka in the only match I think could actually become any kind of a contest. Their last two matches were memorable, both in Australia where Azarena had to retire while seemingly having the drop on her, and in Miami when Azarenka triumphed over a hampered Serena. So there's lots to prove on both sides of the net.
A quick word about Victoria. In person, she's sweet, a kid. On court she's intense as all get out. And with her taking on umpires, linespeople and a crowd having a go at her grunting, I'm smelling a rep forming. Not the worst thing in the world - hey, it worked Johnny Mac - but she better be able to take the heat she's generating.
Today though it's Serena bringing the heat. Between the serve and the return and everything in between, she looks damn near unbeatable. All she needs is a crack at the ball and the point is over. Victoria doesn't melt though. Which is why this is the first match with any real blood pumping through its veins. They're both bullies, and if this were after school these girls would be rolling around with Vaseline on their faces and each other's hair in their fists.
Venus is in the stands. Supporting, or scouting?
As the match wears on, I can tell who's winning by the sounds they're making. Serena is roaring. Azarenka is having her shriek interrupted mid-wail by Serena's unreturnable serves, like stepping on a dog's tail mid-bark. Arp!
Serena goes from stepping on tails to stepping on necks, as Seeds go 4 for 4 and all of the Cinderellas are forced to limp home with shards of glass in their feet. And I'm left with the firm belief that, if I thought the women's quarterfinals were over before they began, they might as well just skip to the final now. What possible chance does either Russian have in the semis against last year's finalists?
After that is when it gets interesting. Because Serena looks a lot better than she did last year heading toward the final. And I don't just mean the trench coat. (Incidentally, and I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but this is juicy stuff, even if Serena won the whole thing and held 3 of the 4 Slams, she would still be #2 behind Safina. Stampede anyone?)
Tomorrow, will the men's seeds hold up the same way? Or will there be at least one old fogey dancing off with his own pair of glass pumps? Stay tuned.
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Day 8: June 29th, 2009
Hello peoples! It is Dunlop in the house. I have been very very busy this week. I have been doing the training with Nick Bollettieri. I am going to be big tennis player! I do nothing but practice screaming again and again. HuhUH! HuhUH! ahYEEE! James is so jealous he locks me in ball can overnight. He says he want me fresh, but I am fresh enough!
My Shame Stick did not make it through customs. How sad! For stick that is. I find replacement in Lead Pipe of Dishonor. I give whacks to all the players who do many many bad things this week. I hope it does not leave bruise!
BRITS: LAURA ROBSON double faults match away. ANNE KEOTHANVONG falls apart on court and in press conference. They are just two out of nine who lose in first round. At biggest tournament of year, there is no home court advantage. - 3 Whacks with Lead Pipe. HuhUH!
BRITISH PRESS: You build them up only to tear them down. That is Dunlop's job. - 5 Whacks with Rolled Up Newspaper. ahYEEE!
MARAT SAFIN: Why keep playing tennis if you do not want to play tennis? Little American makes you look like big woman. And after, you say you are happy to go. Dunlop is happy too. - 3 Whacks with Lead Pipe. HuhUH!
MARC GICQUEL: You lose match against Andreas Seppi, you take it out on ball boy. They are my friend. You are not. - 4 Whacks with Lead Pipe. ahYEEE!
MARION BARTOLI: You quit in Eastbourne, you are so in pain. You do not shake Virginie Razzano's hand because she say you are full of, how you say, the phony bologna. A few days later you beat Chinese girl 6-0, 6-0. Your bologna is made of plastic it is so phony. (Ha!) - 4 Whacks with Lead Pipe. HuhUH!
JAMES BLAKE: Actions speak louder than words. - 5 Whacks with Lead Pipe. HuhUH! HuhUH!
NICOLE VAIDISOVA, PATTY SCHNYDER, ANNA CHAKVETADZE: I must say good-bye to you, my reader friends. I am going to be here for awhile. HuhUH! HuhUH! aYEEE! HuhUH! Adje!
Poljubac,
Dunlop
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Day 8 Bonus: Time Out with Chair Umpire Alison Lang
I'm obsessed with her. But she still agreed to sit down with me.
Just not in the tall chair.
A former club player, Brit Alison Lang wanted to get even closer to the game. She began calling lines while at university and, in ’93, worked her first Wimbledon as a line judge. In the years since, through the weekly grind that took her to cities and tournaments around the globe, she’s worked her way to the Gold Badge Chair Umpire she is today.
But that first day on the job is an easy recall, and she shares it with us. “I was very nervous walking out onto Centre Court for the first time as a line umpire. A nervous wreck, just worrying ‘what was I doing?’ and everything.”
Fast forward to 2009 and she's notched enough wild matches to make anyone chew their nails off. Roger Federer v. Janko Tipsarevic at the '08 Australian? Hers. Amelie Mauresmo v. Justin Henin at the '06 Australian? Her again. Dinara Safina v. Maria Sharapova at the French last year? Yup. Lang.
Yet, despite the challenges, she remains famously straight-faced on court. With an uncharacteristically riled up Roger or a furious Daniela Hantuchova coming straight at her (yup, she chaired Squeaky Sneaker-gate too), how does she not buckle? Or at least swat back?
“It’s all said in the heat of the moment by the players,” she says. “I just don’t take it personally. It’s my job to sit there and umpire tennis. To be a good chair umpire, you have to have really good communication skills and be able to talk to the player and try to calm the player down so [they] will go back and play."
Sometimes an irate player is the least of a chair umpire’s woes. A stadium can seat tens of thousands of fans, and they can get just as heated as the players on the court. During the Safina/Sharapova match, the crowd didn’t make it easy on Maria serving to stay in the match. Or Lang.
“In Paris you have quite a noisy crowd, as you do in New York. Obviously it takes a little bit…to control them. We try our best by calming them down, getting them to be quiet, so the players can at least play.”
Okay, clearly she’s not waving flags herself from the chair, but are there players she roots for in the privacy of her own home? You can tell me, Alison. “I’m completely unbiased,” she's quick to reply. “I have to be.”
Besides last year’s French Open, Lang and Sharapova share another memorable Grand Slam experience: the ’04 Wimbledon final. “The Sharapova/Williams [match] is always going to be special for me because it was my first ever Wimbledon final.” The Tipsarevic/Federer epic also rates. “It’s always going to stay in my mind because it went 10-8 in the fifth. It was a long tough match.”
A tough match that included some tough calls. Does she ever get together with other chair umpires after tricky matches for a post mortem? “Sometimes we sit down and have a discussion about how somebody else would’ve handled it and learn from that way. We’re always learning.”
What would it take for you to get a Gold Badge of your own? “A lot of hard work and experience.” But prepare for one very big pain in the neck. In that Federer/Tipsarevic match alone, she followed the ball side to side for a solid four and a half hours. “I see a good physio when I get home from many weeks on the road,” she laughs.
As for those pre-match jitters, no amount of experience makes them ever truly go away. “I still get nervous today, going on any court in any big match. But it’s a good nervous. It makes you concentrate.”
Spoken like a true player.