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LaRosa's 2010 Wimbledon Blog - Week 2

7/3/2010 3:00:00 PM

Catch up on James' weekly column: LaRosa's Sweet Spot |
Read LaRosa's 2010 Wimbledon Blog: Week 1

Check back daily throughout Wimbledon as our resident blogger, James LaRosa, offers up his humorous and poignant take on the day's action.


Day 14 - 7/4/2010 - 1:38pm PT

Now that the wildest Wimbledon we can remember has finally released its Kung Fu grip on our throats, it's time to honor and spit on the graves of those who made it so wonderful and so hateful. Ladies and gentlemen, the Wimbledon 2010 DUNLOP AWARDS.

Most Satisfying Moment: Rafael Nadal finally gets to defend his Wimbledon title. After missing months due to physical and familial turmoil, Rafa returned to the Grand Slam he holds closest to his heart (block your ears, Roland Garros!) and made up for some seriously lost time by running roughshod over the competition. Tested more than once over the last two weeks, he showed why he's at the top of the men's game: his fight. He wanted this bad. And knees be damned, he got it.

Best Match (ATP): 6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, 70-68.

Best Match (WTA): Serena/Sharapova. Talk about fight. Their 4r clash was as much a battle of wills as a battle of groundstrokes. Maria lost, so why would she be downright peppy in her presser? Because she knew she took it to the No 1 player in the world, a point away from taking that first set in the breaker. With so many mental midgets running around, it was great to see two grown women slug it out.

Worst Match (ATP): Hanescu/Brands. A perfect storm of squandering a huge lead up to and including multiple match points, a far too involved crowd, a far too uninvolved umpire, injury, spitting, cursing, tanking, retiring and arrests, this thing had 'hot mess' written all over it.

Worst Match (WTA): Serena/Chakvetadze. Serena did nothing wrong. And that was the problem. Anna was just overmatched, and especially given the fact that Anna's only now starting to crawl out from under both the anguish of a home invasion in Russia where she was tied up and all her injuries this year, spending a match biting your nails praying that this poor girl just gets on the board (which she didn't until the very end) was, in a word, torture.

Biggest Upset: Usually you only get one Big Upset a tournament, but Wimbledon gave us back-to-back-to-back Upsets of the Year. No 82 Yen-Hsun Lu over Andy Roddick, are you kidding me? Tsvetana Pironkova over 5-time champ Venus Williams, in straight sets? But it was kick-butt finalist Tomas Berdych downing 6-time champ Roger Federer that electrocuted the tennis world, and promises to reverberate in the men's game from here on.Henin

Breakthrough Performance (Female): Pironkova pulled off a shocking upset that found her in the Wimbledon semis, but PETRA KVITOVA's run to the final four was a lot more telling. She had her own landmines (former semifinalist Jie Zheng, a hot Azarenka, a No 3 seed Wozniacki, who she brutalized), and in doing so consistently she showcased both a champion's mentality (coming back from 2-5 down in the third v. Kaia Kaniepi and playing Serena tough in perhaps the second best match of the tournament) and a game that translates better to all surfaces. To sum up, girlfriend's going places.

Breakthrough Performance (Male): JOHN ISNER. Dude won a single round, and his only match ever, at Wimbledon. But he showed what he was made of that day. Er, days. And he's been doing a victory lap around Hollywood ever since.

Serena Williams Cockroach Award: NICOLAS MAHUT, who John Isner needed three days and 11 hours to finally squash. Mahut was able to hold serve to stay in the match 53 straight times in that final set. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Runner Up: RAFAEL NADAL. Federer and Djokovic were both on their way out in the first round before roaring back, but it was the Spaniard who rode out two rollercoaster five-setters to find himself taking yet one more monster chomp out of a trophy.

Biggest Choke: NBC. It had everything it needed to score big: broadcast rights to the one of the biggest sporting events in the world. Yet it dropped the ball in the end, going from merely inconveniencing the west coast with reruns for two weeks to blacking out the entire US of A of any live coverage of the firecracker semifinal between Nadal and Andy Murray. According to the New York Times, NBC's right to broadcast Wimbledon runs out after next year. My advice to Wimbledon before re-signing: get that live covering in writing.

Breakdown Performance (Female): SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA: Rodionova? Really? By all accounts she's a nightmare but that forehand should've shut her up.

Breakdown Performance (Male): FERNANDO VERDASCO. Michael Russell gave Fabio Fognini a bigger run for his money. Come on Hot Sauce, you're better than that.

Hottest Trend: Fines! All the cool kids got one, from Rafa for illegal coaching to the doubles team of Williams/Williams for skipping their post-loss presser to Victor Hanescu for spitting at the crowd. If you wanted to be part of the in crowd this Wimbledon, you needed to snag a red card.

Most Heartbreaking Moment: Oh she tried. She tried to hold it together. And at the end of the Ladies Final, runner-up VERA ZVONAREVA was lauded for staying emotionally strong. Cut to the doubles final where, after losing the first set in a tiebreaker, the sobbing began. And continued until she'd lost her second final of the day. As if it couldn't get any more awkward, her opponents King & Shvedova seemed to be sucking laughing gas throughout. No one would ever blame anyone for singing while they're winning, but the contrast was un.settling.

Best Use of a Microphone: LINDSAY DAVENPORT, who's proven to be almost as good a commentator as she is a ballstriker (how's that for a compliment?). Whether giving uncommon props to Serena for being a thinking player on the court or calling out Carlos Rodriguez for coaching Justine for the entire length of a match, Lindsay called it like she saw it. As a result, when she said something, you trusted it.

Best Use of a Microphone (Runner Up): PAM SHRIVER/JAMES BLAKE. I know, I'm supposed to be offended for James, or offended for Pam, or offended for tennis. But I'm a bad person, so I just laughed and replayed, laughed and replayed. So this is also an award for best use of youtube.

Most Memorable Quote: "It’s amazing you played tennis, I can still hear you. You wanna be an ass about it and act like I’m at fault?" James to Pammy.

Biggest Game Changer: SEED SWAPPING. Remember when Roger and Rafa's seeds were reversed and Fed was given top billing despite Nadal being No 1 in the rankings? I'm not saying it was or wasn't deserved, or even suggesting the outcome would've been any different had they been given each other's draws. But it certainly makes you go hm and wonder what could've been…

And with that, our rollercoaster ride is over. Make sure you take all your belongings with you and exit in an orderly fashion. Would you like an $18 photo of you screaming? No? Suit yourself, ya cheapskate. Of course I'm here every Wednesday for the Sweet Spot. For 140-character daily blogs, follow me at twitter.com/JamesLaRosa. For now, on behalf of Dunlop and myself, thanks for reading. See you on the hard courts!

James




_____________________________________
Day 13 - 7/3/2010 - 12:00pm PT


Hello peoples! It is Dunlop, back with you again to do exciting exciting Woman Final! Exciting exciting not because the tennis play will be so amazing – is most lopsided final since Mr. T play Punky Brewster in Battle of Network Stars – but because Dunlop love to see people have mental breakdown, and Russian crazy lady is for sure going to erupt like Mt. Vesuvius!

Let live blog begin!

:01 Players walk on court. Serena look like Strawberry Shortcake with ponytail. Crazy Russian lady wears tracksuit. Is she playing tennis or working nickel slots in Atlantic City?

Queen Elizabeth: Am I late?

Dunlop: What-?? Is bored lady with stupid hat! What are you doing here?

Queen Elizabeth: I heard you were a big big fan so I thought I'd come by so you can fawn over me.

Dunlop: Fawn over you!? Dunlop has job to do, there is tennis match about to start—

Queen Elizabeth: I know dear, that's why I brought these Jell-O shots. We'll get through this together.

Dunlop: Dunlop gets through nothing with you, you turquoise-covered— mmm, this taste like candy…

Queen Elizabeth: As a wise chocolatier once told me, candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. This is the finest vodka in Russia, in honor of that girl there with the bumper stickers all over her shirt. What on earth is a GUINOT?

Dunlop: The match starts! Quiet, I do not want to miss mental breakdown!

:14 – Serena holds. Tracksuit is going to cry!

Queen Elizabeth: Oh goodie, tears!

:17 – No tears. Tracksuit holds. Serena is going to punch ballgirl.

Queen Elizabeth: Oh I love punching ballgirls!

:18 – Is that same umpire that give Serena all the bad calls at US Open?? She is cause for Hawk-Eye and she is judging final! Maybe it will be Serena who has breakdown!

Queen Elizabeth: Now which one is Serena?

Dunlop: Give Dunlop pink Jell-O shot. And stop talking, your accent is like metal rake to Dunlop's ears.

:23 – So many famous people in crowd! Martina Navratilova, Maria Bueno, Billie Jean King…

Queen Elizabeth: The woman from the caveman commercials! They come on all the time during my Law & Order marathons. Chung-chung! Yes, candy… This one is passion fruit.

Another crown for Serena

:35 – Serena have break point on Tracksuit's serve. Here come tears!

:36 – Tracksuit holds. No tears.

Queen Elizabeth: GUINOT is bouncing around waiting to hit the ball back like a squirrel on some of my grandson's hyperactivity medication. She must be trying to stay awake, this match is dreadful. Where's that Mahut boy? I cracked the window in my limo too much and he got away.

:42 – Another breakpoint for Serena. She misses easy second serve. Run ballgirls run!

:43 – Tracksuit is broken! Now for the breakdown! What the frack, it does not come! You will cry, Tracksuit, you will cry!

Queen Elizabeth: Oh good, Venus won the first set. More for time Jell-O! I mean time for more. Haha. You're fuzzy.

Dunlop: So are you.

:53 – Serena breaks Tracksuit again. Wait for it, wait for it. No tears?! Wait, what is that in your mouth old lady??

Queen Elizabeth: Mm, something called a Milk Duds. They're divine!

Dunlop: They are mine!! Dunlop never share his Milk Duds!

Queen Elizabeth: Want to watch the rest of this match sober?

Dunlop: You are nasty woman. (hiccup!)

Queen Elizabeth: Want to wear my hat?

Dunlop: Yes.

1:10 – Tracksuit does the double fault, Serena up 4-1 in second set. No tears. Victoria Azarenka and Sabine Lisicki are so bored they twitter about watching other things on the TV. Dunlop considers doing same thing.

Queen Elizabeth: Chung-chung?

Dunlop: No chung-chung. (hiccup.) You know, you are handsome woman.

Queen Elizabeth: So are you.

1:15 – Tracksuit holds for 5-2. Or 2-5. Dunlop cannot see anymore.

Queen Elizabeth: Goal, Venus Williams! She wins!

Dunlop: Finally, Tracksuit has breakdown! WHAT? No tears?! Dunlop sits through awful awful match and no one cries?! Dunlop is so angry!

Queen Elizabeth: Dunlop! Are those tears? Oh no, don't, please, I abhor emotion.

Dunlop: But Dunlop loves the meltdowns so much! Is only reason he watches women's tennis! Is not fair!

Queen Elizabeth: There there. Give Mum a hug. That's a good boy.

Dunlop: …you smell like Vicks VapoRub. Is one of Dunlop's favorite smells.

Queen Elizabeth: And you smell like Vodka and regret.

Dunlop: Would…you like to see Dunlop's John Wayne Collectible Plate collection? Is from Bradford Exchange. Is in…other room.

Queen Elizabeth: You know, I…I believe I would. I'll just take the rest of these Jell-O shots here…

Dunlop: You can, how do you say, leave hat on.

1:28 – [Blog abandoned.]

___________________


Day 12 - 7/2/2010 - 2:00pm PT

Men's semifinals. Many of those questions from Day 10 about Roger Federer's loss and what it all means are about to get answered. And this being Wimbledon 2010, I expect those answers to be HUH? WHAT? SHUT YOUR FACE!

On to his first Slam final 

First up, Novak Djokovic takes on Tomas Berdych. The guy you think has the most to lose depends on what you think is worse, being perceived as a has-been or a never was. Tomas has never been to a major final, and he's had to suffer the slings and arrows of being known as someone with "a lot of potential" (that's an insult, just so we're clear). But he's made it to the semis of Roland Garros and Wimbledon back to back, and hello, he's the guy who took Federer out at Wimbledon, so everything after that is just gravy. Novak meanwhile has achieved far more than Tomas. He's been parked near the top of the rankings and he's already got his shiny Slam trophy. But that was two and a half years ago. He's now someone "we thought had a lot of potential." (no clarification needed there). Simply put, to some, Nole's starting to curdle.

As play gets underway, Novak is clearly playing like he's the one with something to lose. Tomas isn't playing his bionic best, but Novak isn't forcing him too.The first set comes and goes too quickly. The second set is much more competitive. Novak has arrived. In the tiebreaker, Tommy takes a 6-2 lead, but not only does Novak get even, he earns two set points. Unfortunately for the Serb, Tommy won't be denied, and after taking the breaker, he just rolls to the finish line. I've maintained Novak is one of the classiest losers in tennis, and he proves me dead right in his presser, giving Berdych all the credit. Still, is being the classiest loser in tennis the legacy he wants to leave? Probably not. One more shot at Grand Slam glory passes by. Dunlop will be crushed.

Next up, and let's be real, the one everyone came for (including a wax statue of David Beckham): Rafael Nadal v. Andy Murray.This one has a lot of people nervous. The Brits, dying for one of their own to claim the Wimbledon trophy in 700 years. Murray himself, dying to claim a trophy of any kind. And Rafanation, who remember these two guys' Aussieencounter and still have Andy's blistering assault on Rafa burned on their retinas. Now, Rafa's No 1, presumably he'll finish 2010 that way, and he already has a Slam trophy under his belt this year. Andy, well, was there anyone in the entire men's or women's draw who played this tournament under more pressure? Even the Queen got her royal badunkadunk out of bed for this major. To his credit, he's held up insanely well so far. But can he keep it up?

The answer out of the gate is a resounding YES. As Andy and Rafa trades blows, almost everyone can see they're in for a treat. I say almost everyone because the entire U.S. of A is blacked out, unable to watch this live from sea to shining sea. God bless you NBC but if we had to watch Jay Leno 5 nights a week live in primetime, you can show us a live WIMBLEDON SEMIFINAL.

Andy and Rafa protect their serves ferociously, until Rafa draws first blood late in the set. First set, Nadal. The Scot does not go away, and a spectacular second set goes to a tiebreak. A double fault by Nadal hands Andy a set point. He's a serve away from getting this match back on level terms. The crowd is bananas. Until Rafa pounces. Second set, Rafa. Despite Murray's best efforts, Rafa takes it in three. And let it be said, Nadal won this match, Murray did not lose it. Andy has to be proud (as do his fans) of the effort he put in. The pressure didn't get to him, Rafa did. Not that it makes the loss any less gutting for Murray. Like his contemporary and near-doppelganger in terms of success Djokovic, it's one more shot at Grand Slam glory passed by.

So the biggest shock of Day 12 may not be who came out on top to make the final, but how decisively each punched their ticket, straight sets both. Djokovic and Murray are no joke.

But it's Rafael Nadal v. Tomas Berdych for all the marbles. Rafa leads Tomas 7-3 in their head-to-head, with the Spaniard winning their last 6 encounters. And that includes one here at Wimbledon in '07.Meanwhile Tommy will be walking onto Centre Court a Grand Slam virgin. Sounds like Rafa's got this one in the bag. But this is Wimbledon 2010, and it just might not be through with us yet.

Become a fan of the Sweet Spot at http://www.facebook.com/pages/LaRosas-Sweet-Spot/123565537658545.

______________________

Day 11 - 7/1/2010 - 2:00pm PT

With apologizes to We Are The World and anyone involved. Except Kenny Loggins.

This Wimbledon is nuts!

Rafa: There comes a time when loca's in the air.
Roger/Rafa: And a slam feels freaky deeky.
Roger: There are legends crashing.
Tomas: And headcases winning the fight.
Tomas/Vera: The greatest huh? of all…

Roddick: We can't go on pretending day by day
Venus: That this thing makes any kinda sense.
Yen Hsun: I mean, I totally out-served Roddick.
Tsvetana: And I wrecked Venus in straight sets
Yes Hsun/Tsvetana: And even we don't know who we are!

[Chorus:]

Maria: This Wimbledon is nuts. I mean, you're joking...
Justine/Kim: This Wimbledon is nuts, no ifs ands or buts, what is it smoking?
Isner: There are crazy blow outs.
Mahut: And matches that won't end.
Isner/Mahut: It's true they go on for days, just you and me.

Blake: So many injuries—
Pam Shriver: James is talking about injuries now--
Blake: Oh shut yer yap Pam, I'm trying to do my job!
Pam Shriver: Well me too. And I've got the mic!

Jelena: This Wimbledon is nuts. I mean, you're joking…
Ana: This Wimbledon is nuts, no ifs ands or buts, what is it smoking?
Laura Robson: There are sluts fist-pumping.
Ana/Jelena: Did you hear what she just called you?
Isner/Mahut: And matches still going on and on, just you and me.

Murray: The Queen dropped by and looked bored out of her gourd.
Serena: That's cuz I was on Court 2
Caroline: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, realize, you're not the only game in the joint.
Serena: At least I wasn't smoked by a chick who barks after every point.
Petra: Bark bark bark bark!

Rodionova: This Wimbledon is nuts. I mean, you're joking…
Svetlana: You think you're fooling anyone with that act, what are you smoking?
Victor: There are people spitting.
Mohamed Lahyani: And bladders about to burst!
Isner/Mahut: And matches still going on and on, just you and me.

Roger: Alright lemme hear ya!

All:  This Wimbledon is nuts.
(Roger: This Wimbledon is nuts!)
All: I mean, you're joking…
(Roger: I mean, you're joking!)
All: This Wimbledon is nuts, no ifs and or buts, what are we smoking?
(Roger: What are we smoking?)
Kournikova/Hingis: We're back on Centre Court!
Francesca: Is this where I come in?
Isner/Mahut: And matches still going on and on, just you and me!

Rafa: Una vez mas!

All: This Wimbledon is nuts.
(Rafa: This Wimbledon is nuts!)
All: I mean, you're joking…
(Rafa: I get fined for coaching!)
All: This Wimbledon is nuts, no ifs and or buts, what are we smoking?
(Rafa: What they were smoking?)
Blake: Is this my last grand slam--?
Pam Shriver: James is asking if this is his last—
Blake: Oh it is on.
Isner/Mahut: And matches still going on and on, just you and me...
____________________

Day 10 - 6/30/2010 - 12:28pm PT

I mean…

I just…

…what?

What does it mean when the Williams sisters are upset in doubles by Elena Vesnina and Vera Zvonareva, they blow off their post loss press conference and it's not the biggest wow of the day?

What does this all mean?

What does it mean when the Bryan Bros are bounced and not even they notice?

What does it mean when Roger Federer loses. At Wimbledon. In the quarterfinals. To Tomas Berdych. In four sets?

What does it mean?

What does it mean when, in his press conference, Roger chalks up the loss to multiple injuries? When he gets surly about his season and sarcastic about the chances of the rest of the field to where reporters and even Tomas Berdych are shaking their heads? What does it mean about the state of Roger Federer, where his place is today (he'll drop to No 3 in the rankings on Monday, the first time he's been out of the top two since 2003), how the rest of his season will play out, how the rest of his career will play out?

What does it say about Tomas Berdych, into his second consecutive major semi? What does it mean for a guy known for choking away the big moments to beat Roger Federer not once but twice in a year, and it ain't even July?

What does it mean to Novak Djokovic, once regarded as the heir to the throne but lately regarded as a wannabe, now tantalizingly close to just his first major final since winning the Australian Open 2008? What does it mean that he won't have to face Federer on grass, but instead a guy he's never lost a set to?

What does it mean to Rafael Nadal, who brutalized Robin Soderling today? How will it affect him eyeing the pseudo-defense of his '08 Wimbledon title and, should he make it to the final, eyeing someone else on the other side of the net for the very first time? What does it mean for the rest of his year, having now amassed so many points that it would take witchcraft for another player to end the year No 1?

What does it mean for Fedal? What state is the greatest rivalry in sports today when the last major final Roger and Rafa met in was a year and a half ago?

What does it mean to Andy Murray, who wore down Jo-Wilfried Tsonga today to book his spot as the guy hoping to keep Rafa from a Wimbledon repeat? What does it mean to a guy desperate…desperate…desperate to win his first major? And to do it at home? For God and the Queen? What would it mean for the Scot, who's had to endure so much talk from the tennis press, from the British press, from my mama's press, about his underperforming, his being a massive disappointment when push came to shove, to (should he get past Rafa) face someone other than Roger Federer for the first time in a final?

What does it mean to have a Championship Sunday without Roger Federer?

What does it all mean?

__________________________


Day 9 - 6/29/2010 - 1:54pm PT


In honor of John Isner's dazzling debut on David Letterman's Late Show last night (http://www.atpworldtour.com/News/Tennis/2010/06/Wimbledon/Isner-On-Letterman.aspx), where he listed the top ten thoughts that went through his mind during his 11-hour tennis match, I list off my own top ten things that went through my mind watching Ladies Quarterfinal action on Day 8. Sadly, no Paul Shaffer cackling to go along with it. We'll make do.

10. I'm exhausted.

9. Is it Tsvetana or Tvetsana? It doesn't matter, I'm not going to have to type it anyway.

10 Ten Reasons

8. Remember when I said I was exhausted? That was 180 unforced errors ago!

7. Kvitova…Kanepi…Oprah…Uma…

6. Justine Henin is PISSED.

5. I'm asleep.

4. I wonder what Federer is doing right now. Is he thinking about me? Is he eating a sandwich..?

3. Crap!

2. Larry King can play better than this.

1. Thank God Dunlop has the day off or he'd make four grown women cry today.

--

Taking a little detour here, but it's necessary. By now we've all heard that 3-time Grand Slam champion Jennifer Capriati was rushed to the hospital on Sunday after an overdose. Her spokeswoman issued a statement yesterday saying the overdose was accidental, and that it was of a prescribed medication. No word what that medication was, who called for help or how she was found. While tongues wagged, on the whole the support expressed by fans and fellow players was really nice to see.

It's shifted today with the appearance of her ex-boyfriend, a porn star, who came forward with his thoughts on what led to it all.

Here's the deal. While we haven't seen or heard much from Jennifer since her career was derailed with a shoulder injury, what tennis circles do know is that she's had a rough go of it, suffering from depression. She was pushed hard as a child prodigy and today she's a woman who physically can't play the sport she loves. She struggles with life off the tour. She struggles with her identity. She struggles.

And yet people are wringing their hands with delight over the appearance of this porn star ex. And it disappoints me. No, it pisses me off. I don't care what this guy has to say, or how fast he runs to TMZ with his theories to explain what happened. This is a woman's life, not the latest hot gossip.

Full disclosure, I have experience with close family and depression. It sucks and deserves better than this.

My horse isn’t that high. If Jennifer weren't in the hospital after presumably having her stomach pumped, I might pass along the details of her dating life too. But this is a woman who has lived and breathed this sport, who had to survive a punishing childhood and an insanely public fall as a teenager. Like Jennifer or not, enjoy her attitude on court or her style of game or whatever, she's a human being, and she's going through something serious right now.

To those who might need just a little more insight into what Jen has been going through, I offer this rare and revealing interview she gave to the New York Times a year and a half after her injury.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/25/sports/tennis/25tennis.html?_r=1&ref=jennifer_capriati

Whatever Jennifer has got going on right now, I'd implore everyone to give her the respect and dignity she deserves to get through it.

Get well soon Jennifer.

--

Follow James throughout Wimbledon at twitter.com/JamesLaRosa.

__________________________

Day 8 - 6/28/2010 - 1:14pm PT

Sorry don't have time for a set up Mega Monday or Manic Monday or whatever its being billed as everyone playing and I mean everyone men women all going for a spot in the quarters so I gotta grind through this one like John Moschitta Jr WHO? he's Guiness's World Record holder for Fastest Talker but you may know him from such commercials as FedEx (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeK5ZjtpO-M) and the Mini Mini Micro Machines (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzbUPfoveok) wow too much time wasted Off to the first match WHOA! look at Venus she's serving bombs boom boom boom Who's this Groth chick? she's keeping up that's for sure pretty good serve herself Bartoli up on Pironkova well duh Zvonareva up on Jankovic, Na Li ripping those groundstrokes she is looking crazy sharp on Court 18 wait Court 18 didn't she lose against Agnieszka Radwanska on this very court a year ago Head games! Hold the phone is Venus taking a bathroom break at 2-1 jigga what? Jelena double faults to go down 1-5 something ain't right Pironka fights back against Maid Marion Hold on JJ calling the trainer good lord "lower back" Venus takes the first set Jelena retires in tears Groth cited for audible obscenity? Na Li cruising on Aggie whoa nelly Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin taking the court Pirokova serves out the first set Marion is like aw hell naw Justine breaks Kim out of the gate "Allez!" she cries Na Li crushes Radwanska and all her bad Court 18 memories Venus down a break! yikes Clijsters getting smoked by Justine Faceplant! 1-4! Trainer! Whiplash! Federer breaks, Juergen breaks back Venus fights back Groth breaks again can she serve it out no! Henin takes the first set (breathe deep breathe deep breathe deep) Uh-oh somebody woke the baby Kim is playing great in the second Jo-Wilfried Tsonga up 5-0 on countryman Julien Benneteau Bathroom break for me! Venus downs Groth Prinokova downs Bartoli rematch from the '07 Australian Open when Tsvetana upset Venus in the first round tasty! though methinks Venus will play juuuust a smidge better than she did in that Melbourne match she hit what 200 errors? Clijsters takes the second set, 2-all in the

A Manic Monday!

third Henin getting lots of coaching to where commentator Lindsay Davenport can't help but point it out saying "It's amazing if you keep your eyes on him" I have to ask how is this allowed to go on for YEARS? can we not point one camera at the dude for an entire match and put this to bed once and for all? Federer is rolling rolling rolling Anna Wintour in the house! god she's tiny Daniel Brands takes the first set off Tomas Berdych on mysitcal Court 18 COURT 18! Just saying it gives me goosebumps I want to be buried there Wozniacki getting buried by Petra Kvitova Melzer spanked by Federer in straight sets Clijsters serves out her third 3-set win over Henin this year (hyperventilating hyperventilating) Kvitova takes the first set from Caro and is allowing her absolutely nothing in the second set Nothing! Ouch bagel as Caroline wins a total of five points in the second Serena v. Maria buckle up! wow Serena breaks to start Maria breaks right back Hewitt and Djokovic take the court I'm seriously getting dizzy BOOM BOOM BOOM Serena firing off serves but Maria's keeping up Tiebreak! Set point Maria set point Serena set point Maria set point Serena SET SERENA! Tsonga bounces Benneteau Kanepi dumps Zakopalova Either Kanepi or Kvitova is going to be a Wimbledon semifinalist that is crazytown Djokovic takes the first set from Hewitt Where's that upset now people? Berdych up two sets to one on Brands Soderling crusing as expected Whoops Serena up a break in the second this could go fast Roddick wins the first set over Yen-Hsun Lu this could go faster Man my mouth is dry Water! Can I can some water in here! Djokovic up two sets on Hewitt Serena downs Maria not a shock result but a shock match as Maria played her tough tough tough Trainer called for Djokovic Not trainer, doctor! he gives him pills Hewitt breaks Novak and takes the third set uh oh Dunlop is not going to like this Querrey/Murray kicks off Murray already hypnotizes Sam into his drowsy style of play that's right look into my eyes you are getting sleepier and sleeeeepier The Scot takes the first set and WHAT? Lu takes the second set from Roddick in a tiebreak are you kidding? not the first time Andy hasn't been able to convert break points in a second set this Wimbledon hm wonder what the problem could be Flashback Flashback Wait a minute Ferrer Broke Soderling? Second set Ferrer Things just got interesting real quick Murray wins first set Roddick loses the third jigga Who? this Lu dude is a beast! Djokovic beats Hewitt! Nole rips his shirt off WWF style or wait WWE? Who won that lawsuit? Ferrer takes Soderling to a fifth! where's that doctor with MY pills? Rafael Nadal gets the early break on Paul-Henri Mathieu Soderling serves out his match Roddick takes it to a fifth (head spinning head spinning) But no more than Querrey who Murray gets to cluck like a chicken whenever he hears the secret word and just like that Sam is out in straight sets Nothing straight about this Roddick/Lu match we are deep in the fifth while Rafa is obliterating Mathieu Shakira in the house! here comes the trainer for Paul-Henri what a fun name to say Paul-Henri Paul-Henri aw back trouble Rafa serves out the second set with an ace Getting dark Roddick deep in a fifth set serving to stay in the match talk about flashbacks 7-all (seeing visions mama is that you?) Lu is fearless Holy crap match point AND HE TAKES IT! Upset of the tournament! Lu is the first Asian man to make the quarters at Wimbledon in 15 years Rafa seals the deal in straight sets and Manic Monday or Mega Monday delivers like Dominoes and look the ambulance is here for me just in time I'll send it to come get you after it drops me off thanks for coming and remember if it doesn't say Micro Machines it's not the real thing!