LaRosa's Sweet Spot Main Page
July 22, 2009
This past week, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences announced its nominees for the 2009 Primetime Emmy Awards. Clearly nothing on The Real Housewives of New Jersey (What? It wasn't nominated?!) rivals what happens on the tennis court. And so, with great pride and a little bit of a champagne buzz, I offer up my nominations for this season's most outstanding performances.
(Please note the Academy doesn't use the term "best," they say "outstanding." We too make no claims of quality, just the ability to stand out.)
And the nominees are…
Outstanding Actor (Drama): Roger Federer. From tears of defeat at the Aussie to tears of triumph at the French to a
borderline jig on the grass of where it all began, Federer's storyline was simply the Greatest. And he acted the crap out of it. (Perhaps the new wife and baby was showboating?)
Roger turned that frown upside down
Outstanding Actress (Drama): Dinara Safina. You don't have to be the greatest to have the greatest storyline. No one inspired more heartbreak this season than the Big Russian. She's capable of so much (see her performances at each and every other tournament), but when it comes to Slam final after Slam final she's imploded spectacularly. Nothing was more dramatic than her screaming at herself at the French, "Why am I such a chicken?!" I can't wait to see how this story ends.
Outstanding Actress (Comedy): Serena Williams. She wins 3 of 4 Slams and is still the #2 player in the world. And she still finds time to not only Twitter about the President loving her shoes and not being able to eat in the Wimbledon locker room, she also posted a personal on JDate ("the leading Jewish singles network") using Josephine Baker's headshot. Sandra Bullock needs to check on the rights to this one STAT.
Outstanding Supporting Actor (Drama): Robin Soderling. Not only did he flip the script by upsetting Rafael Nadal (!) at the French (!!), taking on the Spaniard's role in the final (!!!), he followed it up by forcing King Fed into two tiebreaks in HIS house. A villain is born.
Outstanding Supporting Actress (Drama): Jelena Dokic. She drowned Rod Laver arena night after night, saw dad resurface in multiple plot twists, retired in tears at the French after having Dementieva all but beaten and even managed to work in a virus. Nobody does it better than The Dok.
Outstanding Supporting Actress (Comedy): Marion Bartoli. It's comedy every time this woman takes the court (which appendage is she clutching/dragging/icing? What's that beleaguered look for this time?). And even more laughter ensues at her pres conferences after she gives you the list of reasons things didn't go her way that day. Wind, court speed, which planet is in retrograde. This statue is for you Maid! Hope it doesn't throw your game off.
Outstanding Guest Actor: Andy Roddick. He may not have generated drama all year, but for his spectacular performance in the Wimbledon final, Roddick wins this one hands down. I'm sure that makes it all better.
Outstanding Guest Actress: "Pamela D." She gave Richard Gasquet the kiss of death! Or the kiss of cocaine. Or the kiss off in a lawsuit she's filing for defamation. Which, unless I'm missing something, is the only time Pamela D. was mentioned by her full name in the press, thus defaming…herself? I'm no lawyer, but I love sitcoms and this promises to be more gutbusting than How I Met Your Mother (What? It was nominated?!).
Outstanding Directing: Mary Jo Fernandez, Fed Cup. Who did so much with so little? Thanks to uncanny talent spotting, military-like strategizing and inspired leadership, Mary Jo drew blood from a stone, making stars out of unknowns Melanie Oudin and Alexa Glatch and taking the US to the Fed Cup final. Will the sisters William show in Italy? Does it matter? (Okay maybe it does…)
Outstanding Writing: The ITF, for "The Richard Gasquet" report. A staged reading with Ger
ard Depardieu and Tatiana Golovin to follow.
Outstanding Costumes: Rafael Nadal. He rocked the tennis world by rocking…sleeves! And then he thinked pink. When he returns to the courts next month in Montreal (please God), the biggest question of course will be: Rafa, who are you wearing?
Outstanding Hairstyling: Fernando Verdasco. Faux Hawk! Richie Cunningham Sweep! One thing never changes. Wax!
Outstanding Makeup: Dinara Safina. Who is that woman in those promotional pics? Is she Asian? She's gorgeous. What? No, that's not Dinara. Wait…no. Yes! No. I think it might be. Oh my God it is.
Outstanding Achievement in Sound: Michelle Larcher de Brito. AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Outstanding Drama: The ATP.
Outstanding Comedy: The WTA.
Congratulations to all the winners. Unless, friends, you have any write-in candidates..?