12/24/2008 3:21:00 PM
LaRosa's Sweet Spot Main Page
Dec 24, 2008
In this oh so short off season, exhausted tennis players have more important things to do than write to Santa. Like play in exhibition$! Have no fear, the Sweet Spot is here. And we're giving out Christmas...er...holiday gifts to the players who've landed on the right side of the naughty and nice list. Better luck next year, Caroline Wozniacki (you know what you did!).
ROGER FEDERER: The French Open trophy. Without having to get dirty.
AMELIE MAURESMO: A time machine.
ANDY MURRAY: Self tanner and a paint roller.
VENUS WILLIAMS: A new home for your EleVen line after distributor Steve & Barry's went under. Might I suggest the marijuana dispensary at the end of my block? That place is never going out of business.
NOVAK DJOKOVIC: The ability to get as good as you give. And an inhaler.
ANA IVANOVIC: Your confidence. Some assembly required.
DANIELA HANTUCHOVA: Ear plugs for your next Grand Slam semifinal (your next Grand Slam semifinal not included).
JELENA JANKOVIC: A Grand Slam title. Or a year's supply of lip gloss. Your choice.
ANDY RODDICK: A ShamWow! as your on court towel.
IVAN LJUBICIC: A smile. And a beret you can throw up Mary Tyler Moore style. Kicky!
RAFAEL NADAL: Boxers.
ASHLEY HARKLEROAD: Briefs.
DAVID NALBANDIAN: Fresh grapes, to replace the sour ones.
PATTY SCHNYDER: A flatiron.
VERA ZVONAREVA: A box of Kleenex and waterproof mascara. Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.
NICOLAS ALMAGRO: The ability to play on a surface other than clay.
ANNA CHAKVETADZE: Scrunchies!
LUCIE SAFAROVA: A sandwich.
MIKHAIL YOUZHNY: A helmet.
BETHANIE MATTEK: A few more middle fingers for the next time someone criticizes one of your flawless outfits. Renaissance Fair wear? Bring it!
KEI NISHIKORI: Shoulder pads, for the hopes of your nation.
SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA: A plan B.
FLAVIA PENNETTA: A shiny puppy to replace the dirty dog you cut loose.
STEVE DARCIS: Five o'clock shadow, so you can get into bars.
LINDSAY DAVENPORT: A good night's sleep!
FERNANDO GONZALEZ: Olympic-sized nerve endings, so you'll know when balls hit you.
JAMES BLAKE: Instant replay. And a wig, for funsies.
|What Jame Blake could like.|
JADA CLIJSTERS LYNCH: A racquet. What? Mommy wants to hold it for a second? I guess that would be okay...
MARDY FISH: For you to be able to relive Sept. 28, 2008 like Groundhog Day. Or March 23, 2008. Again, your choice.
DAVID FERRER: An apple box to play on.
AGNIESZKA RADWANSKA: Rat cozies.
MARY PIERCE: A last hurrah.
DONALD YOUNG: A first hurrah.
NADIA PETROVA: A lawyer to sue God. Viral meningitis! What's left to sideline you, polio?
DINARA SAFINA: An interview that doesn't involve Marat.
MARAT SAFIN: An interview that doesn't involve Dinara.
SERENA WILLIAMS: An interview of any kind.
DMITRY TURSUNOV: A hug.
JUSTINE HENIN: Bangs.
MARIA SHARAPOVA: You made $26 mil this year, you should be giving me something. And you can put that handmade ash tray back where you found it, young lady.
Happy holidays to all. And to all a good night.